Shellbel (shellbel) wrote,
Shellbel
shellbel

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Why couldn't I do anything?!

Oh man, this morning my God Father... whom is staying over here (may have heard me refur to him as Uncle Buck) went into insulin shock. Sure you may think... hey it's cool shelley's qualified and trained to deal with this sort of shit, think fucking again!!!!!!!!!! I did NOTHING, that's right nothing, I layed in my bed in total shock! I can't believe I did that! I woke up to my mom on the fone with 911 (and everything the 911 operator was saying to my mom was running through my head as a situation before my mom yelled down to his girlfriend on what to do!), my god fathers girlfriend freaking out... and my dad running around the house tring to find Orange Juice!

When the ambulance came to my house there was two of them and three cop cars!! I could see their lights outside my room, I didn't even bother to put in my contacts or on my glasses! I was just stunded, I could NOT move for the life of me, my head was pounding like madd! and then I had my cat sitting on my chest shaking, she was scared same as I!!

Something like this just makes me question if what I'm doing is safe for other people, I mean can I actually trust myself to act when someone really needs me?! Or will I chicken out again?! I'm so disappointed in myself! and I can't even bring myself to go downstairs and see him... this hurts! I can't believe I let everyone down!
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