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Tuesday, May 28th, 2002
10:40 am
HOLY FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
my ICQ is SCREWED UP!! and it couldn't come at a worst time either!!! I dont know how to fix it and I've been working at it for around 2 hrs!! I'm about to cry and I can't get a hold of anyone who knows how to fix it... I'm FUCKING fusterated!!

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Tuesday, April 2nd, 2002
2:30 pm - hehehehe!!
Fanshawe Radio!!!

current mood: excited

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2:30 pm - Oh happy day!!
YAY!!! I JUST got accepted to all the colleges I appled too for Radio!!!!!
and I believe I'm going to go to London!! but was there ever any doubt!??!? well dats all I had to say! YAY I'm SOOOOOOOOOO happy!!

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Tuesday, March 26th, 2002
11:33 pm - It's been a long time!
I don't believe I have ever been this happy with my life in a LONG time. I have struggled and dug so many tunnles, and I honestly can't believe I have ended up the way I have! come on I've got it all (even if I don't see it all the time!!).

I've got the perfect wanna marry and live with for the rest of my life boyfriend Ryan. I can't believe that I've actually found the guy of my dreams and he loves me as much as I love him! and his mom's a bit phsyco... but i can deal, cuz I'm not letting go!

I've got the most PERFECT friends in the world!! I don't know what I would do or where I would be without them!! The Fab Four has just been a blessing sent straight from Heaven! I don't know what I'm gonna do next year, when they wouldn't be just around the corner... but I also know that they will be there when others fade away, and that is what I'm soooooooo thankful for! I can't have better best friends in my life, and I don't want anyone else (selfish I know!! but true I also know!) Nothing brings me more pleasure than seeing them happy, and being with them!!

Family... I know I do bitch about them constintly, but I dont think I would want anyone else!?!? Cheryl and I have gotten a lot closer! Mom is being more leaniant! Dad... well dad is dad and I can't change that! I think from all the heartfelt and shed we have been through has helped us to be stronger.

I believe that another aspect to why I am the way I am is because of, yah I know this may be corny but..., my faith! My belifes and my own world and the world he has created has opened up so many doors for me. I have survived whatever was nessisary to stay alive. but without my faith, and believing in myself... I don't think I could have been the person I am today!

current mood: content

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Tuesday, March 12th, 2002
11:09 pm - ROAD TRIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yay, the Fab Four finnaly get to go on their FIRST road trip! this has been a long time coming and now it's finnaly here! And guess where we're going?!?!?! LONDON!! dats right, London to see Ryan! I feel kindda bad tho... I was talking to Kendra today and she tottaly had the idea that she was gonna drop me off and then Ryan and I could have time alone!! Which as sweet, but I would never do that to these guys and they should know it!! all I really want is for my best friends to met my best guy!!

Well we shall see how things work out tomorrow!!! Love ya all, Imma going to bed!

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Wednesday, March 6th, 2002
11:01 pm - CT Scan!
Well the big day is tomorrow girls!!! Kindda worried, not sure what for or worried about I guess I'm just preparing for the worst ya know?!
Well dats all I wanted to say in this message... don;t worry I'll get back on track to writing again so you can all hear about my sorry life!!!

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Thursday, February 28th, 2002
11:07 pm - hahahehehe...YAY
Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and a Styrofoam cup?
A: A dead baby doesn't harm the atmosphere when you burn it.


Pass the bouquet of roses and the book of Shakespeare's
sonnets you're head over heels in love! You're on the road to
finding your soulmate; folks who merely get your nether regions
in a tizzy need not apply. Physical passion has its place, of
course, and you wouldn't want to go without it. But you go into
relationships with one goal in mind: true love. And, from the looks
of your answers, you seem to have found the deep connection
you're looking for. It sounds like your sweetie could be "the one"
(or, at least one of "the one"s). The two of you share a lot more
than "wham, bam, thank you, ma'am" which means you just
might have a future together. As long as you've got a little lust
mixed in with the love (c'mon, it is nice to feel that flutter when
your honey is near, isn't it?), that's great news. Congratulations,
and don't forget to send us a wedding invitation.

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Tuesday, February 26th, 2002
7:20 pm
You're Autistic !

To add to your webpage,
copy and paste this:

What Psych-Ward do you belong to?

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Wednesday, February 20th, 2002
12:11 am - I just wanna SCREAM!!!!!!!!
I don't know what to do!? I don't get guys at all, or at least the ones I get together with. I need a guy that is close to me, I need the cuddling, the hand holding, the going out on dates (I hear ya Val on that one!!)! I always tried to trick myself to think that I don't need that, dats why I've (for the past 3 years) always had long distance relationships... trying to defy the odds and have it work. I always thought that if I had a boyfriend here I would get sick of them! Now I'm not so sure I've chosen the right path ya know?!!? I don't even know why guys come down my path?! Why down my path and not someone better like Val!?!?

Right now with Ryan I'm more confused than ever! I want it to work more than anything... but he never calls and when I call him he doesn't talk!!!!!!!, he doesn't know anything about me, nor I him, he doesn't even make an effort to come see me, we don't see eachother at all, well we've seen eachother 2 times in 5 months (most people would call that a fling or anything else, but not a relaionship)! I want there to be effort, no I NEED there to be effort from him! To make a relationship work, we both need to work at it... not just me and it feels like it is only me, and I can't take it! But i will still go along with it hoping it will change, praying it will! Even though I know it wouldn't, but maybe it will if I go to Fanshawe next year (fingers crossed)! But with Ryan it's also comfortable, relaxing and enjoyable for the most part knowing that we love eachother! I mean I've known him for 10 years... it just feels so natural when I'm with him! But I don't know!! I love him with all my heart and that will never change...so since there's love it shall be fine, we shall be fine! Love concours all right!?!? (and gurls...he's getting a tounge ring!!!)

Well sorry for complaining guys, but I love you all so much that I know you know this was on my mind and I complain about it all the time... but now I'm actually coming to terms and realizing it, yet you know me... I wouldn't speek up and do a damn thing!

Well anyways I LOVE YOU GUYS and you are my best friends in the whole world and I shall never leave you, shaft you, or call you shallow, and we shall always talk about boys that are ours or not! We can talk about anything and not be opinnonative, but just be there. I love you all the way you are and I'm glad you have let me into your lives... I just wish I could be there for you more, help you out more in your lives, make your lives what you always dreamed they could be! You guys are the best in the whole world and nothing can ever damage what we have, and you three shall be at my wedding and I hopefully at yours, even if I have to push my way through security!! I can see myself growing old with you guys, and nothing has ever made me happier than that image, EVER! You all mean so much to me, and I wouldn't exchange that for anything, ever! Even a great guy!

current mood: frustrated

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Saturday, February 16th, 2002
5:25 pm - Why couldn't I do anything?!
Oh man, this morning my God Father... whom is staying over here (may have heard me refur to him as Uncle Buck) went into insulin shock. Sure you may think... hey it's cool shelley's qualified and trained to deal with this sort of shit, think fucking again!!!!!!!!!! I did NOTHING, that's right nothing, I layed in my bed in total shock! I can't believe I did that! I woke up to my mom on the fone with 911 (and everything the 911 operator was saying to my mom was running through my head as a situation before my mom yelled down to his girlfriend on what to do!), my god fathers girlfriend freaking out... and my dad running around the house tring to find Orange Juice!

When the ambulance came to my house there was two of them and three cop cars!! I could see their lights outside my room, I didn't even bother to put in my contacts or on my glasses! I was just stunded, I could NOT move for the life of me, my head was pounding like madd! and then I had my cat sitting on my chest shaking, she was scared same as I!!

Something like this just makes me question if what I'm doing is safe for other people, I mean can I actually trust myself to act when someone really needs me?! Or will I chicken out again?! I'm so disappointed in myself! and I can't even bring myself to go downstairs and see him... this hurts! I can't believe I let everyone down!

current mood: nauseated

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3:21 pm
Add this HTML code to your website or online journal to let everyone know which British band you are!

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Wednesday, February 13th, 2002
10:26 pm
If you wanna knwo where I got that test it was at www.lovetest.com !!! YEAH!!!!!

current mood: drained

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4:21 pm
shelley, your score is: 100 percent

shelley, you like playing with fire - no wonder that you fall
in love very easily. You prefer to be in seventh heaven
and to enjoy this feeling to the max. However when your
dreams don't come true, then you feel down and
disillusioned. Sometimes it's better to keep a cool head
and to check out if you are really serious about your
relationship. Because love also requires dependability
and honesty.

WOW, how much is this really me!?!?!? SHIT!

current mood: scared

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Tuesday, February 12th, 2002
11:32 pm
I'm in a happy mood!!!

current mood: ecstatic

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11:10 pm - Oh how I wish I was still in London!!
NO, not London England (Fendra!). I went to London yesterday afternoon (sper of the moment!) to see my sister, look at Fanshawe College, and to see my Ryan!!! Well when I got there Cheryl wasn't doing too well, so I took her out to dinner (with mom's visa, of course). We went to East Sides (not my favorite place, but she wanted to go there!)... so we ate and then we left... we were in the car when all of a suden, "Ummm Cheryl?!? did you bring the left overs? Cuz I didn't grab them!... SHIT!" we had to go back to East Sides and then it took them 5 minutes to track down our food! Then we went apartment shopping for Cheryl (for) next year, meaning we drove around saw apartments and then wrote down their number!!
When we got back to Cheryls, I foned Ryan... went to his house, had a GREAT time! Oh man, I feel SO safe when I'm with him! It's weird ya know?! I haven't felt this way in a while, not even with Dave. Ryan's something special, he means a lot to me. Of course he has too! he's been my best guy friend for about 9/10 years!! this is our second attempt of going out though. It didn't last for long last time due to distance, but I'm sure hoping it will work this time, I want it to work! Really, I Do!! and DAMN he's good looking too, I lucked out girls! But YEAH... he's so nice to me, he says the right things (when he actually talks that is!) AND he's good kisser, and I mean GOOD!!
Anyways, in the morning, at Cheryls, I helped her bake and then we went to look at Fanshawe (where I wanna go next year!) and it's a GREAT school (and the boys are good lookin there too!!). So yeah, than I drove back to boring ol' Brampton. and then i went out with the girls!! (minus val.......where were ya!??!?! we called!!!) it was a GREAT two days, I'm happy now!!


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Sunday, February 10th, 2002
5:32 pm
Well.......FUCK ME!!!!!! Not only did I wake up late this morning and almost miss my shift (but I made it right on time, 160 down the highway), one of my guards came in with the tummy flu and was pucking everywhere cuz in the city of Brampton NO ONE FILLS IN...EVER so she stayed till a fill in for her classes could come at 2! The person who was covering her shift was Mark...Mark who doesn't really teach the kids but fools around getting nothing done!! OH OH!! then after my shift someone was suppost to fill in for the sick girl (cuz mark wouldn't stay for the rest of the shift!)... didn't show up, and by this time I got fed up and left!!
THEN... i was suppost to go see my friend (cuz that's all he is to me) Dwanye to bring him a drink cuz he had strep throat...I called once, he wasn't home.... called again, no answer... called a third time, no answer!! FUN! I got dressed nicely and put on makeup and had a happy look to my face for NOTHING!
Why am I such a loser!! i can do nothing right, I used to be a happy go lucky girl... yeah those fucking days are over. If it seems like I'm happy and having a good time, yeah that's just a face I put on cuz I'm never any of those anymore and I don't even know how to get back to that; to who I really am. I don't know who I am anymore. I'm no longer Shellbel, Shelley or anything....I'm back to Michelle who lost her best friend due to health and has become very unhealthy herself and becomes very depressed. yeah freaking-do!! I just love it when everything hits me all at once and can bring me down SO much!
Anyways there's my rant for the day now I'm gonna go crawl into a hole and hopefull die.

current mood: depressed

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Friday, February 8th, 2002
12:08 am
WELL........DEB, I love you and your one of the most foxy girls I've ever seen! VAL... I love you too hunny and when I first saw you I was like, WOW she's pretty as hell, I just think your looking at the wrong booth for love, and one of these days a guys gonna fall straight into your lap and up your skirt and shirt (lol, I'm funny!!). KENDY...I WOV U baby, and you would make a great girl friend, you just have to let the fucking past go and be open and allowing to what Jeff can bring you!
NOW, me!! I'm the hopeless one here outta the fab four!! Come on, I had to drop school due to medical stuff, I sit at home doing nothing, I have no love life (I'm not going out with Ryan right now, and Dwanye I sware thinks of me only as a friend!). SO FUCK OFF!!!!!!! all of us have issues and dats why were together as the FAB FOUR, to help eachother out, be there whenever we need it, help put a smile back on our faces, I believe that is the main reason why the Fab Four is even alive today... because we need eachother more than we can even fathum. I love you guys with a pasion and I hope to GOD and I know that we will still be friends for a LONG time (till death do us part!!). I just pray that death doesn't come knocking sometime soon, for me or for any of us.
Well gurls, I'm getting quite light headed and my head is pounding so I'm going to bed now, and I will see you all tomorrow for another fun fill episode of the FAB FOUR!! Good night, or shall I say Good Morning gurls!!! call me tomorrow!!

current mood: cynical

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Tuesday, February 5th, 2002
11:27 pm - I should have hit the fucking dog!!
WOW!!! SO great! this has been the best day!! First of all it was my first day of NO SCHOOL!!!!!!!!! and then I got up after 13.5 hrs of sleep, then I went to Kendras watched a little tv and also watched last nights Boston Public, then I went to Chiro and my back feels SO much better! After that I came home watched a little TV, talked to people, talked to people I really like!!!, then went out with Kendra and Deb (BBBBB) to the Cup, THEN........oh this is the best ever. When I came home my mom foned and asked me to bring her over somethign to her friends house (where she is) and also where my Jerk-ass ex-boyfriend lives on the same street as my moms friends.....so as I'm speeding down that road I see Mike (the EX) and I notice he's running, I put my foot to my break hopefully to give him the finger or something and then looked at the road, OH it's his Dog which I almost hit!! DAMN!! if only I didn't slow down (you'd understand more if you knew what he did to me!)
Oh yeah It's been a great night!!

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6:25 pm
Take the Affliction Test Today!

current mood: apathetic

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6:20 pm
Oh man I SOOOOO rock! I'm learning fast about all this stuff! I like this online Journal thing! and I will write more I sware... only cuz I have no life but hey, what ya gonna do eh?!?!!?

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